


Bruised and Used

by Fangirl_4Life



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 16:12:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12774669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirl_4Life/pseuds/Fangirl_4Life
Summary: She stared at her swollen stomach and fought back tears. This was not what she wanted. She wanted freedom. Not to be hidden in a tower and used as a birthing machine.





	Bruised and Used

**Author's Note:**

> You can imagine the husband and father as either Rhaegar or Robert. I figure this is what went through her mind in both Tower of Joy and if she did survive and marry Robert. I don't care what D&D said. Lyanna Stark did not wanna be in that tower after she heard about Rickard and Brandon
> 
> Title comes from She Used to Be Mine from the musical Waitress. I highly recommend it

_It's not easy to say, that most days I don't recognize me. That these shoes and this apron, that place and it's patrons have taken more than I gave them_

Lyanna hated this tower and the samll, confining chambers. Part of her wanted to jump, but she knew better. There were guards watching her every move for a reason. She stared at her swollen stomach and fought back tears. This was not what she wanted. She wanted freedom. Not to be hidden in a tower and used as a birthing machine.

_It's not easy to know I'm not anything like I used to be. Although, it's true I was never attentions sweet center, I still remember that girl._

Lyanna despised the simpler woman she'd been forced to become. It seemed her sole purpose in life as of now was to keep the child within her alive and look pretty if ever her husband wished to see her.

She rebelled in the only way she could without getting slapped. Lyanna wore grays and whites, never the vibrant colors of her husbands house. She refused to even look at the dresses he had made for her. She used the heat as an excuse to only wear her underclothes when her grays and whites were dirty.

_She is imprefect, but she tries. She is good, but she lies. She is hard on herself. She is broken and won't ask for help._

Lyanna stared out the window and saw the hot sun high in the sky. It beat down with all the strength of summer behind it and she longed for the cool winds and summer snows of Winterfell and the North. Oh, how she despised the South and everything that came with it - including her husband.

_She is messy, but she's kind. She is lonely most of the time. She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie. She is gine, but she used to be mine._

She wondered if Ned and Benjen missed her. Wondered if they ever thought of their sister with the wolf blood in her viens. They'd be disappointed to see her now. To see how her claws her trimmed and her wolf's blood diluted due to her condition. To see how often the guards were ordered to force feed her milk of the poppy to keep her from running or trying to kill herself. No, that was not the Lyanna Stark they knew.

That wasn't the Lyanna Stark she knew either.

_And it's not what I asked for. Sometimes life just slips in through a back door and carves out a person who makes you believe it's all true. And now I've got you._

Lyanna looked back down at her stomach when she felt a sharp kick from the babe. She prayed to the Old Gods that it would be a stillborn. That she would miscarry. That she wouldn't have to raise this child.

_And you're not what I asked for. If I'm honest, I know that I'd give it all back for a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two for that girl that I knew._

She would do anything to go back to before this whole mess started. She would give her own life and the life of her child to return to the day that she was given that crown of winter roses and run back to the North. She'd gladly marry any Northern lord to be rid of this future. She'd even disguise herself as a man and join the Night's Watch.

_Who was reckless, just enough. Who gets hurt, but who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised and gets used by a man who can't love._

Oh, who Lyanna would do anything to have never married her husband. She could see his rage filled eyes. The way he'd clench his teeth as he tried to restrain his temper. How he'd hit her if she defied him too openly. How he'd force himself upon her, try to get her to carry his child and how he'd have a guard beat her if she tried to get his seed out of her to avoid it quickening. Well, he got his wish. She was round his his child and she hated him for it.

_And then she'll get stuck and be scared of the life that's inside her - getting stronger each day 'til it finally reminds her to fight, just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes that's been gone, but used to be mine._

The babe was strong. It seemed that it took all the strength she used to have. There were moments when Lyanna wanted the babe, when she wanted nothing more than to hold her child and love it and run off to Essos with it. But she could feel the eyes of the guards on her. Lyanna wanted to fight them and run, but she couldn't. She didn't have any wolf's blood left in her.

_Used to be mine._

No, all her wolf's blood had been taken from her and given to her unborn child.

_She is messy, but she's kind. She is lonely most of the time. She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie. She is gone, but she used to be mine._

Lyanna already knew she wouldn't live past this child being born. She'd resigned herself to it already. She huffed under her breath, drawing the attention if the guard outside her door. Imagine that. Lyanna Stark, the great She-Wolf of the North, resigning herself to fate. To letting the Old Gods take whatever they so pleased.

She sat on her tiny bed and stared at the wall ahead of her. If she was still able to, she'd take the child with her as well.

_She is gone, but she used to be mine._


End file.
